The purpose of this blog has changed over the years. What it stands for today? I dont kn. It is still undergoing changes. I think of writing something but refrained thinking that someone might get offended. What should i do... this has been my personal space, and people who know me do feel upset or joyed if i mention somthin about them....
today is valentine's day... honestly, i never believed in this day and at the same time dreamt of celebrating it everytime. I am all alone today, a personality so flawed that i an even afriad of making new friends. I have made a lot of mistakes and continue to do so. tears have stopped flowing. they too are tired. like me. where am i? i dont kn.
people who know me in an out, too are at a distance, coz I harm, hurt and make them suffer.
One thing that i have noticed about my life... earlier, when i wanted to be alone, i was always with friends, so many i couldnt even remember their names; and today, when i want to be with them, i m all alone.
dont for how long this will continue. I am afraid that i ll get used to this. DOnt know what to do... there are days together when i dont utter a single word... being quiet is not a choice but i dont have any other option..
I need help. I need to be with friends, i need someone who could be with me despite my million flaws... is that possible? i dont think so.
a burden i cant let go,
someone, please unload me
... i m choking.
Saturday, 14 February, 2009
random
Wednesday, 3 December, 2008
move on
was it love?
I dont kn. Now i really dont. First, if it was then the end would have been different. A lot different. Second, there would have been no end at all. Lived happily ever after... din happen. So what was it? And is moving on that easy? I dont know...
Friday, 28 November, 2008
When Mumbai's skyline changed forever
I was no different from any common Indian. Now, I am. Being at ground zero and experiencing all that we all "know" by now makes hell of a difference. We all have de-sensitised ourselves so much that any terror attack of suicide bombing is like any other common occurence if our life, which has no meaning; just an incident, untoward happening which we cannot avert but can turn a blind eye to. Thursday morning was no different. There were no other talks but the terror attack and amidst all the hoopla were some scathing jokes on the entire issue. Until, we came to know that we could go there and get some stories out. I never thought that the following day could change my life, forever. Looking at armymen, ready for their duty and knowing that some of them might not return put me to shame. What exactly was the purpose for their lives? Dying for someone they didnot even know? Or worse, dying for some elite businessmen who wouldnt care less for the country but make money? I saw them laughing and trying to make the moment little light. The air was heavy and they were all calm, knowing what was coming. I am not writing a first person account as many have done that already but would just want to rant. Films take inspiration from real life, but trust me guys what I saw yesterday, no film has even come 10% close to reality. Films always tend to over or underplay the subject. What i saw was just plain business. A business with real emotions and fear. I spoke to one Jawan and asked him, "How much more time?" "A day more," he said. I counter questioned, "Why a day more? Dont you think its too long?" He replied smilingly, "With our each step forward, lot of lives will change forever, we have to think at least 10 times before moving ahead." I was numb. Speechless and spellbound I stood as his words hit me and continue to hit me even now. Just three days ago a friend from London called and asked about the train blasts. I was surprised when she said, "Shubh, I want to ask you something personal. I hope yoi won get disturbed and if you feel like you dont want to answer please tell me and I will stop." I was zapped thinking what is she going to ask?" She asked about the train blasts. Arent we de-sensitised? Yes we are. I laughed at her thinking how stupid? "Why will I get disturbed coz of that?" Now, I do coz today I have understood what those blasts did to my city. And today I understand what this terror attack has done.
Tuesday, 28 October, 2008
My life, nothin but you
My life is nothing but memories of you
Loved, cared, and stitched with a thread of warmth,
Your heart oozes out.
Sewn with your thoughts
My heart knows nothing but you
My mistakes, errors all just too much to forgive
My life has colors
Noting less than spectacular
With colors as beautiful as you
Painted Red, with nothing less but you.
My aim and life was close to each other
My aim was you and my life was you.
Looking back now, I feel with ribbons of your love
I might hold them together
You were my dream
A beautiful one, envy for others
You, only you, nothing else but you
My dream…
From morning to dusk
This world to death
From laughter to tears
Sorrow to happiness
I see nothing else but you…
Your love is my treasure
Caged in my heart
Eternity, come and go
I am alive because of your love
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